3/30: Describe Your Relationship with Your Parents

3/30: Your Relationship with Your Parents

I'm not gonna lie or sugar coat this when I say that when I saw what day 3 post was I cringed and dreaded having to write it. I know that sounds awful, but my relationship with my parents is rough, at least with one of them it is. 

My parents. The people who made me who I am. The people I owe everything to.

So lets talk about my dad...that's where things get tricky and a lot of people don't know much about him; I don't even know much about him. I've never really had a great relationship with my dad, and I've seen friends lose their dad's, some had amazing relationships with their dads and it always made me wonder "why do I still have my dad when so many have such a deep and connected relationship with theirs?" Others I've seen lose their dad and for years have felt the regret, pain, and resentment of never having that daddy/daughter relationship that so many people get to experience. Dad's aren't like mom's I've come to observe, but if you have a dad who is willing to spend time to you and talk to you PLEASE do it for all of us out there who don't talk to our dads and don't have much of any kind of relationship. 

If we're going to get real raw here I often think about the day my dad passes and if I had one tribute or thing to say I would play a song by Reba Mcentire called "The Greatest Man I Never Knew". To this day when I listen to that song it makes me think of how strong of a man my dad is, how much he's faced, endured, and how incredibly just smart and crafted he is, and yet never have we spent a Saturday afternoon talking or him showing me how to change oil in the car. I respect him so very much and am so grateful for all the years he spent working hard to provide for us in the home, but that's as far as it goes. I respect him and I love him, but I don't know him. So many chances we've missed out on to be together and have that daddy/daughter relationship. I know not what that's like and I'm afraid I never will.

It's hard to have a parent and not know if it's you that's the problem or if it's him. I still question to this day if he loves me or not and I always tell my mom I'm convinced he doesn't love me...But she re-assures me that he loves me as his daughter. I just wish I was a daddy's girl.

There is a happy note to this blog and that is for sure 100% of the way my mom. Just sitting here thinking about her makes me tear up. She's my rock. My husband's my rock, but dang...Your mama is your mama through and through. I can't even begin to describe my relationship with my mom because it's been so many places and it's grown in so many directions over the years. She truly made me into the person I am today. I wasn't always the easiest teenager to work with and I thank God even today for the strict hand she had on me. She kept me from making a lot of foolish mistakes and I'm grateful she didn't just let me be wild and reckless like so many of my friends parents did. She kept me level-headed most of the time and gosh I'm just so grateful for her parenting. She is a prime example of being a parents first and friend second. She was my parent for so many years and now I consider her a friend. It's a close 1st between her and my husband but my husband IS my eternal companion and soul mate, so mama can have 2nd. 

 

I swear there could not be a kid out there that loves their mama more than I do. She's such an inspiration to me of the kind of person I want to grow up to be. When I grow up...I wanna be just like my mama. She's SUCH a giving and selfless person. Nothing is ever about her especially when she comes to her kids; she loves us with everything in her. I've learned so many lessons from her and how to not and how to live my life. There is not a single day that goes by that I do not talk to my mom. We text each other good morning and good night and pretty much everything that goes on through out the day is exchanged through texts. She's always the person I turn to for guidance or advice. She is incredible. 

 

She's been with me through the good, the bad, and the heartbreaking and she's deff taught me how to be bold and have fun. She's crazy, beautiful, strong, smart, and I can only pray I get half the qualities she possesses. Did I mention how much I LOVE watching her be a grandma? It's amazing how much she loves wee man and adores him. I love watching them together and I love that she loves him. I LOVE my mama and can't even fill this blog with enough words of how I feel about her. But I think this is an adequate post.

2/30: Legitimate Fears

2:30: 3 Legitimate Fears and How They Became Fears

1. Fear: Divorce. I know that seems terribly terribly depressing and morbid to think about, but it's a genuine fear I have! Anytime my husband and I get into a pretty heated argument or things just seem REALLY off between us I start to think this is it or this is the end. I'm a bit dramatic and I don't think things are really as bad as I play them out in my mind...But I can't help it!

WHY: As sad as this sounds I think it comes from viewing couples within my own sphere of life. I've seen relationships dwindle and vapor into nothing and even such the greatest of loves and relationships come down to nothing. It scares me, because there's a lot that tests a relationship and it's not that I'm setting us up for failure, it's more so I'm afraid to ever LOSE my husband. I love him too much for things to end. But it is a legitimate fear and perhaps I just need that use that fear to fuel me in the other direction. 

Marriage = Something worth fixing

2. Now that we got that out of the way...Prepare to smile, laugh, and even mock me. But I am deathly afraid of...Costume characters. You know the ones at amusement parks such a Disneyland all dressed up and kids love to hug them and take pictures with them? Ah, freak no. Those things terrify me and there's just something about them that makes me un-easy. You can't trust them because you can't see WHO they are. 

When I see this picture I think RUN KID RUN!! She is just straight up risking it all right there...Do you see that face on Woody? Does that look like a friendly face to you!? No! It looks shady...and unfamiliar and just plain sketchy. I don't trust them...They're creepy to beat all.

Now Cinderella? She be aight. At least I can see the persons EYES and FACE. I'm not just staring into some frozen molded fake face wondering if the person behind it is demented. Me and the characters where you can see the real person...We're tight, we be aight. 

 WHY:  I think it all stems back to when I was a kid...There's this place called "HomeTown Buffet" and if the name didn't give you a clue it's a buffet. We use to go there all the time as a family when I was a kid...The only problem? They've got one of those CHARACTERS. And it's not a friendly real person type character. It was a bee...

Oh my gosh no...just...NO!!!  

So you and your family would be sitting down to a delicious buffet meal and then this guy is creepin' through the eating area thinking he's going to brighten your child's day. Ugh...negative. I would crawl under the table and hide until he was gone. And one time...HE SQUATTED DOWN TO FIND ME!! I'm pretty sure that's where that fear came from...And to fuel it further I went to Six Flags once and had one of those creepers chase me! Bah. 

3. Alright now that I've made a complete fool of myself and you're laughing at my expense it's time to take it back down a notch. I don't know why my fears centralize around losing people...But my last fear is being afraid my husband or son will stop breathing while sleeping. I had this fear even before we had wee man. I would wake up in the night sometimes and my husband would be breathing so softly that I'd have to put my fingers under his nose or sit up so I could look to see if his chest was moving up and down. When we had our son it just made that fear even more escalated because that legitimately DOES happen to babies. Crikey nothing like feeding a fear more fuel! When wee man was a newborn and slept in our room I could hardly sleep all night because I'd be listening to see if he was breathing. On more than one occasion I'd get up and stare at his little chest or gently poke him to get a reaction. 

WHY: I'm not really sure...Just a general fear of losing either of them and then all the fears media, articles, guidelines, and classes sink into you about babies just dieing from not being able to breathe. Makes someone like me just a hot mess. 

Tomorrow's post: Describe your relationship with your parents

20 random facts

This list of 30 posts about 30 different things in 30 days seems to be going around. I stole it from my sister-in-law Kristen and I thought it'd be interesting to have 30 random posts instead of posts about my life or whatever. The original idea seems to be floating from here so if you wanna check out the entire list there's the link and the lady who started it all I guess. The first topic is 20 random facts about yourself. This was fun to write and well...might disturb some people but here we go!

1/30: 20 Random Facts About Yourself

1.      I can touch my tongue to my nose. As I get older I realize this isn’t as big of a novelty as it was when I was younger…But no one in my family can do it, so it’s still deemed brag-able. 

 

That's attractive.

2.      I broke my arm in 5^th grade playing soccer. I reached down to get the ball and someone stepped on my for-arm…WHY I was reaching for the ball when you’re suppose to kick it is beyond me.

3.      Every time I get in the car before I can leave I have to push all the window buttons up and hit the lock button at least 2 times. I guess it’s my tinge of OCD.

4.      I HATE shaving my legs. If it’s pant wearing weather I can go 2 weeks…3 weeks…a month without shaving and I’m fine with it.

5.      In college I went on a 15 mile hike and within the first half mile I fell and sprained my ankle BAD, I still walked the other 14 miles. Hard core right?

 

The next day.

6.      When I put shoes or socks on I always have to put the right one on first. ALWAYS.

7.      I eat ketchup with my steak.

8.      I LOVE Del Taco. I could eat there every day and never get sick of it. Whenever my husband and talk about getting take out he now says, “Two half pound bean cheese burritos no sauce.” He knows all too well. 

 

Those poor states, they are missin' out.

9.      I have always dreamed of writing a bestselling book. I think it’d be awesome to have my name and face on the cover of a book; the money that comes along wouldn’t be bad either.

10.  I wear false lashes. I like the way it makes my eyes look bigger and my lashes fuller. 

11.  When I was a kid I got in a bike accident and chipped one of my front teeth half off. Since then it’s broken off once and had to be repaired. I’m constantly worried it’s going to break off again and I run my tongue over that tooth constantly through out the day.

12.  If my husband is not home whenever I hear an ambulance I think they’re going to get my him. Sometimes I even text him to make sure he’s okay.

13.  When I get nervous, tense, or bored I bite at the skin around my nails.

14.  I have never read Pride and Prejudice. That’s gotta be some abominable sin right?

15.  I want a boob job. When I’m done having kids I want to get one. Really I want a full blown mastectomy; I just want everything gutted out. Breast cancer runs in my family, and I don’t want something as stupid as breast tissue to take me away from them too early. 

 

16.  I wore glasses from 1^st to 9^th grade; at which time I got contacts. I wore them for a year and decided they annoyed me and were too much work. I quit wearing them and could see just fine. Weird.

17.  My favorite movie is P.S. I Love You. I could watch it EVERY day and never get sick of it. It still makes me cry. 

18.  I’d rather text than communicate any other way. It’s bad…My husband said I had over 5,000 text messages in a month once. 

Exactly!

19.  I’m a t-shirt junkie. I like to buy a t-shirt at any attraction, monument, or park I’ve been to.

20.  I’m NOT a morning person. I can easily stay up till 11 or midnight and not be tired. And anything before 8 is too early for me. 

 

Monkey business and change

So...I'm not one for change when it comes to me or anything hugely drastic, but I DO like to change my scenery and minimal things. For example...I like to change my decorations or the arrangement of my living room from time to time. I also LOVE to change my wardrobe which in turn means shopping. It seems like I'm constantly thinking of ways things can be changed or made better around me. Monkey business is the recent addition.

My mom (shout out hey mom!) found some cute cute monkey re-usable stickers that she thought would look cute in bebe's bathroom; since it's monkey themed and all. So today I spent some time putting them up. I think it almost completes his bathroom! Like I said...I feel like my work is never done with projects ha.

I realize the monkeys on the curtain and wall aren't the same...And I'm okay with that.

I think he's my favorite. Just a little friend to keep you company while you do your business.

There were random bananas and I wasn't sure what to do with them...So I put them on the mirror.

Cute. Right!?

Something else that needs change is wild beast growing on my son's vanity. When we moved to AZ my mom bought us a plant as a "welcome to your new home" gift. That plant almost didn't make it when we moved to Phoenix. But with lots of water, warmth, and TONS of light (bebe's bathroom gets the most light in the house) this thing...well...you'll see...

I guess it works right? I mean jungle theme...Kind of over-grown and wild...

I have also decided it's official my son is gonna be a man's man; which my husband always worries about, he doesn't want some sissy la-la. Not only does he like getting dirty and like girls but...

He likes...toilets? And...guys like toilets right? Or at least they like spending a lot of time on them...

LOOK! He's even practicing how to sit ON a toilet :) Maybe this will become habit soon? Mommy only wishes..

Have a great week ya'll!!

So Big

Today it really struck me just how big my wee man is getting. I'm working on a picture project and in doing so I realized I really don't have a good quality picture of little man I'd like blown up on the wall. So as such I decided it was photo shooting day. We just went out back of our apartment and shot some casual photos. I wasn't too concerned on how professional they needed to look, I was just looking for that ONE good photo I could print off. Nailed it. In the pursuit of finding that one picture I couldn't help but watch my little guy in awe. He's getting SO big! He jabbers constantly, points at things, walks, laughs, smiles, mimics, is quite the explorer, is VERY opinionated, and simply makes my heart sore with happiness each and every day. He truly is my heart and soul living and breathing and I'd re-live everything it took to get him here again because he is truly worth it. I just can't believe how BIG he's getting! He's quite the little man for sure...

Pictures from our little photo shoot today.

Peeking around the tree.

95% of the time happy and smiling.

Busy making one of the MANY sounds he comes up with.

Laughing at Daddy.

He loves rocks.

Going down the hill with Daddy.

SO big!

This embodies him totally. Just a free little spirit loving life.

Staring that tree down.

Always pointing at something and wanting to learn more and know more. I love how adventurous and curious he is.

Look at that sweet face! He got his daddy's blue eyes for sure!

LOVE him!

Yes...That mommy with her camera.

Man do I love him.