My future...

Today I started my last semester at Brigham Young University-Idaho. In July I will graduate with a Bachelors degree in English. I am ecstatic. Most people in the past when they have asked me what my major is after responding that it is English, they look at me with a most intrigued look and say, “Oh...Well what are you going to do with that?” Most of the time I cutely say, “Oh…Have babies!” Because let’s face it…I am going to become a house-wife and mom after graduating. In the past I have always settled for this, and don’t get me wrong, I want to have children and be there in the home while they grow up. I guess a lot of what I believe comes from my own experiences growing up and watching my mom. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, and she was always there when we got home. Never did I find myself coming home to an empty house, or having to wait for mom to get off work to get my homework done. I always had the same predictable experience of coming through the door, finding my mom, and her asking how my day was. Never has something so routine been as comforting as a child. Growing up in a home where my mom was always there for me helped instill into my own personal beliefs and desires that I want to be there for my children and do have the desire to raise a family. Now, don’t be offended or get me wrong about those women who choose to have a career and have a family. To each his own. I simply grew up this way and desire the same thing for my children.

In regards to my future desires, I have simply had the goal in mind to just get a college degree and that will be that. I’ll have babies and a husband and house to take care of, and that’ll be my future. Never have I really considered my other options or ways I could expand as a human being. I’ve always had the goal of getting a college education, and the field I chose to study really isn’t a practical field to get a job out of. I simply love English, and after deciding to switch my major from Elementary education to English, I really gave a great deal of thought into other fields I may desire to study. Ones that may be more applicable to the job force. Some of the other things I considered at the time were music and social work. My ultimate desire was to focus on English education to become an English teacher. But an English education degree at BYU-Idaho requires you learn a foreign language. I knew this was something I would not be able to conquer. Essentially I decided to go with English as my major with professional writing as my emphasis, because I didn’t think I was smart enough to go into any other field. I’m good at English and it comes naturally to me. I can easily read something and whip out a critical analysis within a matter of 15 minutes. Reading is easy and you ask me to write a 10 page paper in a day? No sweat! I love English and I will admit I am good at it. But I have always felt that there were some studies I would just never qualify for; because I wasn’t smart enough. I chose English as my major because I enjoy English, but for some reason I didn’t feel that was a good enough justification to be majoring in something, after all, what about a career based study?

Today in my English class, my Senior 495 Critical writing/Portfolio class might I add, we were having a discussion regarding those of us graduating. As we were discussing expectations placed upon us a graduates, all we have accomplished, and graduating in itself, I had a sort of ‘revelation’ you might say. I was sitting there listening to my teacher gush over how proud we should be at all we have accomplished. How hard we have worked for this degree and all we have to show for it. He kept reminding us that we are worth so much and have so many abilities that we just won’t admit we have. We simply sell ourselves short, even though we have so much to offer and so many skills to use. I sat there listening to my teacher and as the discussion carried on I began to think of myself. I will be graduating in July with a Bachelors degree! I guess I have been selling myself short thinking, “Well it’s just a degree in English, that’s not that glorious…It’s not like it’s a degree in Engineering, Psychology, Music, or Accounting.” I’ve really felt the past year that my degree, even though it’s a college degree, is minimal compared to all the more advanced and better majors out there. But today in class I really realized I should be proud of what I’ve accomplished. I get good grades in all my classes and have so much to show regarding my abilities and skills. I may only be majoring in English, but I’ve worked so hard the past 5 years for this degree. And even though this degree doesn’t have a lot of jobs in the workforce targeted towards it, I should still be proud for what I’ve done.

With that said, there was something else that really triggered inside of me today in class. As I was sitting there thinking of the things I’ve accomplished I thought about how this is the end of my education and achievements academically. That really didn’t sit with me right, and I began to have the desire to move on. I thought as I sat in class why should having one degree be the cut off? Why can’t I continue on? We are counseled as Latter-Day Saints to get all the education we can. After thinking of my degree and how it really isn’t applicable in the work-force, I’ve thought a lot lately how I really want to be able to have a foundation that I can fall upon that will financially keep me sound if anything, God forbid, were to happen to Robby. I guess as I look at myself graduating with an English degree I don’t feel that sound in that I would ever be able to provide for myself. Usually people who go to college get degrees to make more money, but would my degree ever be able to provide enough? This has really gotten me thinking a lot about mine and Robby’s future, together and separate. Someday our children will not need me in the home, and I may desire to go out and work. But what is an English degree going to get me? Not much I don’t think. I would never take back majoring in English and all the enjoyment and skills I’ve gotten from my degree, but something inside of me is causing me to desire more--More education, more schooling, more dreams. I have dreams, and I after today I really am motivated to achieve those dreams.

I guess what really set me off in class today was the way our teacher was talking about our future. He really made me realize that we have so much ahead of us and our future as graduates is so bright. I took this information and I applied it more on a personal level. I’m 23, I have a whole life ahead of me. Will I be satisfied with just learning about English? What about applying those skills and sharing it with others? Being in class today really got me motivated to achieve my ultimate desire. I want to be an English teacher. I’m not sure how at this point I’m going to achieve that goal. Maybe after I graduate I’ll investigate some online college I can go to? Perhaps take a few classes at a time? Even with children, and a slow going education, I would still be continually furthering my education and expanding my knowledge. It may take me 10 years to get to my ultimate dream, but hey, I’ve got babies I’ll have to raise, and they’ll be in the home for at least 18 years, I’ve got plenty of time to reach my goal. :)

To be continued…?