 Speaking of change...October has come and gone but I still thought I'd write a little somethin' somethin'. Robby and I had a pleasant Halloween weekend. Halloween just doesn't have as much signifigance as it did when I was a kid...I mean unless you're one of those adults who dresses up and then goes to some in-appropriate party to get drunk...Then by gosh it might be the Holiday of the year! I always seem to get into the "Halloween Spirit" when I'm walking through Wal*Mart and I see the costumes, decorations, and not to mention the candy! But when you're married to Robby Ladle (bless his heart) Halloween doesn't have much signifigance. I guess I forgeited Halloween when I married him...But I'm okay with that. :) It would be fun to dress up and go to a party...I even tried looking for a local party, but of course all the ones for adults feature alcohol and I'm just not that kene to be in that sort of environment. Our own Ward doesn't even have a Halloween party of any sorts. I think it is because over half the Ward's members are in their 90 and beyond. But you'd think with Halloween being on Sunday for sure they would organize some sort of Trunk or Treat at least. I use to love going to the Church for the Trunk or Treat. It meant twice as much candy and it was always fun to get together with the Ward family. I miss having Ward parties and getting to bond and mingle with others in the Ward. I guess that is one downfall of our Family Ward...No parties or Ward gatherings ever. I guess the busy lives of the members just doesn't permit time for parties. Wow what subject change eh? Robby and I did partake in a little candy and of course pumpkin decorating. We always just get one of thos  e pattern kits. For some reason Robby and I were feeling the skull patterns this year. Not much variation but oh well! Robby sorted out the seeds to roast of course...Something new this year was Robby was able to grow 4 pumpkins in his garden. So he decided he wanted to make a home-made pumpkin pie. I told him he should wait till Thanksgiving cause that's when you eat pumpkin pie...I think he was too anxi ous to see how it would turn out. I was pretty anxious to see how he did as well...Since he's more the chef and I'm the baker in the family...He made everything from scratch from the pie filling to the crust itself, and might I say I was rather impressed! Other than maybe needing 5 more minutes in the oven it was pretty darn good! With a dop of coolwhip on top it was tasty. Hopefully come Thanksgiving we won't be needing to buy a pumpkin pie from the store. :)
Speaking of change...This past Sunday one of the Bishop Brick members wanted to drop by our house and speak to us. Since Robby had just been released from his calling we figured it was for a new calling. I kept joking that they were prolly going to put him in Primary or even NURSERY! He didn't like the idea of Nursery at all...And even Primary frightened him a little. We kept trying to rack our brains to figure out where he might be assigned...The time came for Brother Summers (who's 4 year old daughter I am in love with by the way) to drop us a visit. After a few moments of small talk the bomb was dropped...Robby was asked to be a Primary teacher along side me. I was a little surprised they asked him to teach along side me in my class...For my Primary class has a record breaking 3 kids in it...But I was excited to be able to have my sweetie in Primary with me! I think they are just preparing for next year, because the class coming up next has about 13 kids in it! I will certainly be needing help! I think being in the Primary will be a great experience for Robby. We don't have any kids yet, so this is a perfect time for him to get broken in. :) I'm excited for Sunday to come! Speaking of change...Almost a week ago today I was hoping for some change of numbers in my household...My brother a week ago today had begun his journey up to live with us, but after 3 hours of driving his truck decided it had had enough and begin to give him trouble. He ended up calling my parents and they had to come and tow his truck, trailer, and broken hearted him back home. I was handling the news pretty well, but the more the week pressed on the more I became quite depressed. I had my mindset framed around the idea of him living with us, and then suddenly that wasn't happening. So instead of change my mind is now forced to focus on how things are exactly the same. And not that being exactly the same is a bad thing...But I had prepared myself for his arrival and for no progress to be made was a bit of a downer. Not only was no progress made...But my brother is in fact a step backwards. The truck needs a new engine all together. Ever since my brother's lack of arrival I have felt a little family sick. I realized that with Vincent not coming up it would just be Robby and I for Thanksgiving. I love my husband to DEATH! But I'm not use to us being alone for the Holidays. I always grew up surrounded by family when it came to Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I celebrated the union of all my family including aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all under one roof. I was fortunate to grow up with all my imediate family within blocks from each other...And when you go from that to total isolation it can be a bit challenging. I'm thankful for a husband who has always been kind and willing to go the distance or allow family in our home so we can be together. Growing up differently and having different values when it comes to family has made it a bit of a challenge. But I think it has softened his heart, and helped me learn we can be on our own. I'm still having a hard time with the idea of us being alone for Thanksgiving, because I was set on the idea of my brother at least joining us. But we will have a magnificent time and I look forward to the time I'll get to spend with my sweet heart. I still have Christmas to look forward to...Which will consist of squishing 7 people in our 2 bedroom apartment. I can't wait. :) Speaking of change...There is none when it comes to me...I've really been be beating myself up about it too. I've always been very harsh on myself when it comes to my apperance and very nit-picky about my body. Sure...there are some things I can change...Like my actual weight. But then there are things that lie beneath clothing and beneath my mask of make-up that leave me depressed and un-satisfied most days. There are two people who can testify that I am way too harsh on myself and that would be my mother and husband...Either could tell you that there are just some things I should let go...But I can't seem to grasp that concept just yet. I really struggle with comparing myself to everyone around me. Be it other family members or a stranger on the street I am constantly sizing my self appearance and self worth along side theirs. I've never had great self esteem and have never really felt great about myself. I constantly think I am ugly, fat, and there's always a list of about 10 things I wish I could change. I wish I could see what everyone else sees about me...I wish I could look in the mirror and hear myself echo the words I hear from others: That "I'm beautiful and have got so much going for me." I'm hoping some day to really look in the mirror and embrace who I am and what I see. I hope to be able to look in the mirror and love myself. But as I said before I've really been struggling with staying "on my eating" and getting exercise in every day. I was thinking earlier today about how I think getting married is partly to blame (that darn marriage!). Because you get married and then you get comfortable with the way things are. No longer do you have to bust your butt going to the gym and trying to look good so someone will notice you and take you on a date! And as your married I think as long as your spouse doesn't make any remarks about your changes then it seems fine. I think for me it really hits home when I leave the house and I'm just like, "Bleh I'm fat and nasty." But it's hard to want to change when your spouse is fine with the way you are...I guess in some aspects I'm a multi-tasker. But when it comes to going to work, keeping up with housework, and losing weight I am just centralled in on one task at a time. I sure hope I can get this under control and lose some weight...Cause being like this certainly does not make me happy as an individual. I hope I don't seem too depressing in this blog. Other than struggling with self image I am really a happy person. I've been scrapbooking alot lately which I find alot of joy in. My goal is to scrapbook everything up to date. So far I am on Spring 2008...So I've got alot to catch up on! I always enjoyed looking at photo albums growing up and I'm really not into the whole technology crap. I'm a pretty old fashioned gal and I like physical things I can hold in my hands and see. I'd much rather look at a photo album than pictures on a CD rom. So scrapbooking is something I've gotten into and I quite enjoy it. Granted I'm not that good at it. But with practice I think I've gotten better! I'm also very eternally grateful for my sweet heart and the marriage we have. I think back to some of the guys I had flings with in High School and SWORE I was going to marry, and when all is said and done they don't hold a candle to Robby. I'm thankful for the wonderul man I married and I couldn't be happier with my marriage! I may struggle with insecurities but I know my marriage is solid and my love for my husband is never-ending. |
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| Happy Halloween! |
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